They say they love you. You know they do. But still... how much? Will it last? Will they truly love you forever?
I have lived things in my life that I've kept a secret. To me they were personal, and did not need to be shared. And I was afraid. I was afraid that if they found out, they wouldn't love me anymore. That they would treat me differently, with disdain and nonacceptance.
A part of this came from my own shame. Here I was, a person who supposedly "knew better," who could rationalize and make the right decisions and stay out of trouble. And I have, for the most part. But I've also explored my personal life just a little bit more, and have experienced things I never thought I'd have to. I was naive, to think "it won't happen to me." I'm learning, slowly, with each passing day that life is not like that. However, acceptance is coming slower, acceptance of my life and my mistakes and the consequences of my actions.
But what about them? These people who have always been so close to me, who have always claimed I should be open and honest with them, that they would love me no matter what. Would they truly, if they knew all my secrets? If they knew what I could hardly accept in myself?
I doubted. I doubted that they would be able to accept this new part of me, accept who I had become and am becoming with each passing day. Heck, I don't even know who I'm becoming. But at least I'm slowly accepting myself. They, on the other hand... these people who love me and want to protect me... I doubted they would be supportive. That they would still love.
I was wrong. Today I was shown for the second time in my life the true meaning of unconditional love. They found out everything, and yet they love me still. More than that, they provided support and open arms, without asking questions or placing impositions. They didn't yell, they didn't scold. They only loved. And it shocked me. Which then, of course, makes me feel guilty for not believing them when they'd told me all along that they would love me no matter what, and that I could come to them with anything I wanted to talk about.
I'm overwhelmed. I was feeling so alone, but now I know I'm not. I love them and they love me. Unconditionally.
I have lived things in my life that I've kept a secret. To me they were personal, and did not need to be shared. And I was afraid. I was afraid that if they found out, they wouldn't love me anymore. That they would treat me differently, with disdain and nonacceptance.
A part of this came from my own shame. Here I was, a person who supposedly "knew better," who could rationalize and make the right decisions and stay out of trouble. And I have, for the most part. But I've also explored my personal life just a little bit more, and have experienced things I never thought I'd have to. I was naive, to think "it won't happen to me." I'm learning, slowly, with each passing day that life is not like that. However, acceptance is coming slower, acceptance of my life and my mistakes and the consequences of my actions.
But what about them? These people who have always been so close to me, who have always claimed I should be open and honest with them, that they would love me no matter what. Would they truly, if they knew all my secrets? If they knew what I could hardly accept in myself?
I doubted. I doubted that they would be able to accept this new part of me, accept who I had become and am becoming with each passing day. Heck, I don't even know who I'm becoming. But at least I'm slowly accepting myself. They, on the other hand... these people who love me and want to protect me... I doubted they would be supportive. That they would still love.
I was wrong. Today I was shown for the second time in my life the true meaning of unconditional love. They found out everything, and yet they love me still. More than that, they provided support and open arms, without asking questions or placing impositions. They didn't yell, they didn't scold. They only loved. And it shocked me. Which then, of course, makes me feel guilty for not believing them when they'd told me all along that they would love me no matter what, and that I could come to them with anything I wanted to talk about.
I'm overwhelmed. I was feeling so alone, but now I know I'm not. I love them and they love me. Unconditionally.
