Tears

Crying is a most unusual and yet natural occurrence.  Tonight, however, it's unusual.

I feel as though I'm missing something.. some part of me that's eluding my mind, body, and spirit.  Nothing is wrong though; nothing negative or upsetting has happened.  And yet, tears come to my eyes, threatening to overspill as they hover on the brim of my eyelids, my eyelashes barely holding them in.  I feel cold, gray... no, not gray.  Just muted tones of colors.  I feel like I want to curl into the "child's pose," as the fetal position is called, and just try to find solace in myself.

I don't understand.  Life is good.  I know I am loved, I have a great family, I have amazing friends.  All the work I have to do is enjoyable and always gets done.  But there's more to it than that.  I feel I'm living in a world that doesn't agree with me.  I'm happy with who I am as a person, yet I feel as though those closest to me are standing on the other side of the Nile River.  I feel alone, despite being surrounded by many.  I feel as though I'm  being myself, yet those around me aren't satisfied with that.  It's not enough.  What I do isn't pleasing them.  I must change myself to appease those around me.  At least, it feels that way.  I haven't decided yet whether I will or not.  And I'm not just talking about them.  I'm talking about you as well.  And you too.

And so the tears come.  In a world where I'm loved by many, these tears show me otherwise.  There's something to that desire to crawl into the fetal position and find some sort of inner peace.  After all, that is the only way serenity will come and the crying will cease.  Tears are natural - they arise in many situations - but as they stream down my face and drip onto my arms, my chest, my legs, I know they represent something more.