Where are you, Happiness?

This time in my life has thrown me.  It is not what I expected.  After all, I should be happy... ecstatic, even.  Yet the emotions that run through me are complex and varied:

Melancholy
Hurt
Exhaustion
Hope
Depression
Confusion
Camaraderie
Pain
Affection
Betrayal
Suffering

I suppose I mostly feel confused and conflicted.  I almost feel bipolar; there are times when I feel amazing and all is well with the world and I can find happiness, or at least see it at the end of the tunnel.  But lately it's also felt as though the tunnel is being stretched out, and that the lights illuminating the inside, on the path towards the end, are slowly being extinguished.

I'm not currently in a depressed state.  I suppose it's more analytical at the moment.  But just upon my own observations, and relative to the rest of my life until this point, this is what I notice.

What I'm missing, upon perusing this list, is peace.  I feel as though I must come to peace with myself and the world before I can truly find happiness.  Only with this acceptance and serenity will Happiness, who is currently eluding me, once more be intrinsically in my life.